It has long been a suspicion of mine that Chef and I are a tiny bit too competitive with each other. We can make anything into a competition when we feel like it. Any time we have to take two vehicles somewhere, we race. Yes, irresponsible and dangerous. But fun. Chef having his own blog has been fun, too.
But today, I feel he has taken it a bit far. I woke up with a full-blown case of the flu. I feel awful. I can’t breathe, and I feel like I swallowed a porcupine whole. My body aches, and when I cough, it takes me awhile to be able to stop again. All of this, and yet, Chef showed me no mercy today even though I was in a weakened state, obviously near to death, miserable, grouchy, and in no mood to play stupid games…
He called me from work to check on me.
Chef: Hey, Birdie. How are you feeling?
Me: Like death would be an improvement.
Chef: Sorry, kid. Have you eaten anything? You need to eat.
Me: No. Let me starve…
Chef: Well, at least you get to stay in bed and recover. You kept me up all night long hacking and coughing., and I still had to get up and come to work. I can barely function today…
Me: Sorry, honey.
Chef: Seriously, Bird. I am exhausted.
Me: Well, I didn’t do this on purpose…I’m sick! I didn’t plan to keep you up all night. I was dying.
Chef: … I have to stand on my feet all day. We’re short a person around here, and I can’t get anyone in to replace her, so I’m having to do it myself. …You know, Bird, I’m getting the feeling you don’t really care…
Me: (in my most fake sincere voice) Whatever, Don. Fine. I truly apologize. I am really, really sorry I kept you up all night with my several near-death experiences, and it made your day harder…..I mean, seriously, what do you want from me here? You want to win the ‘Who Feels Worse Right Now Award’, ’cause hey, you can have it. You win! I lose! Can I go back to sleep now??
Chef: Yes, I want to win that one, and the I’m Employed and You’re Not one too.
Me: I’m hanging up on you now..You probably had better hope I die….
Chef: I really am sorry you feel like shit. I’ll bring you home some soup…
Me: I hope I’m contagious, and I infect you, then you will die too…preferbly at work…
Chef: I love you, too.
And with that little offering, I’m going to sleep…Have a nice day!
- Don aka Chef Refutes My Allegations (birdmartin.wordpress.com)