20 Lines A Day

A Community of Writers and Photographers

MY TEARS FILLED AN OCEAN

6 Comments

MY TEARS FILLED AN OCEAN

Copyright 2011 by Judy Unger

 

When you died my tears filled an ocean

I was violently submerged, gasping and barely able to stand the shock

Swirling in a raging current, a current of time

I was paralyzed and choking, wanting to drown, but unable to sink

The current dragged me along. It seemed endless . . .

Soon all my energy was gone. Anger at my fate depleted me further

Exhaustion led to floating. The current kept moving

Fighting it was useless; there was no going back to where I began

I was going to somewhere unknown. The journey was filled with horror

I tried not to look while fighting to escape from the endless drift

When I let go of fighting it, the current became comforting

It had carried me such a distance, now the places of horror became far away

and tortured memories became blurry

In the beginning, I wanted to drown, but my fear did not allow me to sink

One day, I bravely held my breath and left the current above me

Down into the dark depths I went . . .

I felt peaceful. I wanted to revisit my grief and sadness

I was not afraid as I closed my eyes and tried to remember

I needed to feel you again

It wasn’t about remembering the pain, the shock, the gasping or the choking

I opened my eyes . . .

In the eerie depths I was touched by your emanating glow

Your pale face was so delicate and beautiful

The exuberance in your eyes washed away my grief

I resurfaced without fear

I knew that someday

I would sink and be with you forever

My longing for you would always be

But now I was filled with your love

I floated onto the soft sand and stood again

I marveled at my survival and the miracle

I had finally reached a destination

of unimaginable beauty

 

LINK TO OTHER WORDS ABOUT THIS POEM:

 

I LET GO OF FEAR – myjourneysinsight.com

 

BESIDE ME ALWAYS – myjourneyinsight.com

freckle-face-smile jason-his-mom-w-guitars

© 2012 by Judy Unger, http://www.myjourneysinsight.com and 20 Lines A Day. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. 

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Author: Judy

I'm an illustrator by profession. At this juncture in my life, I am pursuing my dream of writing and composing music. Every day of my life is precious!

6 thoughts on “MY TEARS FILLED AN OCEAN

  1. Wow! So beautifully and eloquently spoken… I’m sorry for your loss.

    • Thank you, Kitt! It was a long time ago – twenty years. I didn’t write about my son’s death until two years ago. When I did, it released so much of my sadness. And then my music healed me, too. I feel so blessed about what I have learned after so much suffering. I appreciate your message very much – thank you!

      • I understand all too well, though I didn’t lose a son, I did lose a brother… I could kind of write about it in poetry…in that general, vague, “I miss you” sort of way, but it was not till this year that I was able to write at all about the event. It’s been about 25 years.

        Bless you… And you are right…music is a very unique catharsis. Glad you have it. :-)

  2. Thank you, Kitt. I believe deeply that siblings suffer terribly because they cannot do anything to help their parents and at the same time they’ve lost their lifelong connection. A sibling is supposed to be the longest lasting relationship of our lives. I understand also how the pain can easily be accessed 25 years later. That is so beautiful that you can write about it now. I’ll follow your blog now. I appreciate your words and yes, I am so glad I have my music also! :)

  3. I’m sorry for your lost. Can’t lose the pain of losing a child. Must remember the good times in thoughts and writing. Thank you for sharing the story.

  4. Thank you for your comment, John. I certainly must remember the good times – for so long I suffered remembering the traumatic ones. It now feels like it was a lifetime ago and the fact that I can smile is a miracle. I hold onto that every single day!

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