MY TEARS FILLED AN OCEAN
Copyright 2011 by Judy Unger
When you died my tears filled an ocean
I was violently submerged, gasping and barely able to stand the shock
Swirling in a raging current, a current of time
I was paralyzed and choking, wanting to drown, but unable to sink
The current dragged me along. It seemed endless . . .
Soon all my energy was gone. Anger at my fate depleted me further
Exhaustion led to floating. The current kept moving
Fighting it was useless; there was no going back to where I began
I was going to somewhere unknown. The journey was filled with horror
I tried not to look while fighting to escape from the endless drift
When I let go of fighting it, the current became comforting
It had carried me such a distance, now the places of horror became far away
and tortured memories became blurry
In the beginning, I wanted to drown, but my fear did not allow me to sink
One day, I bravely held my breath and left the current above me
Down into the dark depths I went . . .
I felt peaceful. I wanted to revisit my grief and sadness
I was not afraid as I closed my eyes and tried to remember
I needed to feel you again
It wasn’t about remembering the pain, the shock, the gasping or the choking
I opened my eyes . . .
In the eerie depths I was touched by your emanating glow
Your pale face was so delicate and beautiful
The exuberance in your eyes washed away my grief
I resurfaced without fear
I knew that someday
I would sink and be with you forever
My longing for you would always be
But now I was filled with your love
I floated onto the soft sand and stood again
I marveled at my survival and the miracle
I had finally reached a destination
of unimaginable beauty
LINK TO OTHER WORDS ABOUT THIS POEM:
I LET GO OF FEAR – myjourneysinsight.com
BESIDE ME ALWAYS – myjourneyinsight.com
© 2012 by Judy Unger, http://www.myjourneysinsight.com and 20 Lines A Day. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
December 5, 2012 at 11:38 am
Wow! So beautifully and eloquently spoken… I’m sorry for your loss.
December 5, 2012 at 11:48 am
Thank you, Kitt! It was a long time ago – twenty years. I didn’t write about my son’s death until two years ago. When I did, it released so much of my sadness. And then my music healed me, too. I feel so blessed about what I have learned after so much suffering. I appreciate your message very much – thank you!
December 5, 2012 at 12:06 pm
I understand all too well, though I didn’t lose a son, I did lose a brother… I could kind of write about it in poetry…in that general, vague, “I miss you” sort of way, but it was not till this year that I was able to write at all about the event. It’s been about 25 years.
Bless you… And you are right…music is a very unique catharsis. Glad you have it. :-)
December 5, 2012 at 12:44 pm
Thank you, Kitt. I believe deeply that siblings suffer terribly because they cannot do anything to help their parents and at the same time they’ve lost their lifelong connection. A sibling is supposed to be the longest lasting relationship of our lives. I understand also how the pain can easily be accessed 25 years later. That is so beautiful that you can write about it now. I’ll follow your blog now. I appreciate your words and yes, I am so glad I have my music also! :)
December 5, 2012 at 12:52 pm
I’m sorry for your lost. Can’t lose the pain of losing a child. Must remember the good times in thoughts and writing. Thank you for sharing the story.
December 5, 2012 at 1:02 pm
Thank you for your comment, John. I certainly must remember the good times – for so long I suffered remembering the traumatic ones. It now feels like it was a lifetime ago and the fact that I can smile is a miracle. I hold onto that every single day!