20 Lines A Day

A Community of Writers and Photographers




Copyright 2011 by Judy Unger


When you died my tears filled an ocean

I was violently submerged, gasping and barely able to stand the shock

Swirling in a raging current, a current of time

I was paralyzed and choking, wanting to drown, but unable to sink

The current dragged me along. It seemed endless . . .

Soon all my energy was gone. Anger at my fate depleted me further

Exhaustion led to floating. The current kept moving

Fighting it was useless; there was no going back to where I began

I was going to somewhere unknown. The journey was filled with horror

I tried not to look while fighting to escape from the endless drift

When I let go of fighting it, the current became comforting

It had carried me such a distance, now the places of horror became far away

and tortured memories became blurry

In the beginning, I wanted to drown, but my fear did not allow me to sink

One day, I bravely held my breath and left the current above me

Down into the dark depths I went . . .

I felt peaceful. I wanted to revisit my grief and sadness

I was not afraid as I closed my eyes and tried to remember

I needed to feel you again

It wasn’t about remembering the pain, the shock, the gasping or the choking

I opened my eyes . . .

In the eerie depths I was touched by your emanating glow

Your pale face was so delicate and beautiful

The exuberance in your eyes washed away my grief

I resurfaced without fear

I knew that someday

I would sink and be with you forever

My longing for you would always be

But now I was filled with your love

I floated onto the soft sand and stood again

I marveled at my survival and the miracle

I had finally reached a destination

of unimaginable beauty




I LET GO OF FEAR – myjourneysinsight.com


BESIDE ME ALWAYS – myjourneyinsight.com

freckle-face-smile jason-his-mom-w-guitars

© 2012 by Judy Unger, http://www.myjourneysinsight.com and 20 Lines A Day. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. 

Author: Judy

I'm an illustrator by profession. At this juncture in my life, I am pursuing my dream of writing and composing music. Every day of my life is precious!


  1. Wow! So beautifully and eloquently spoken… I’m sorry for your loss.

    • Thank you, Kitt! It was a long time ago – twenty years. I didn’t write about my son’s death until two years ago. When I did, it released so much of my sadness. And then my music healed me, too. I feel so blessed about what I have learned after so much suffering. I appreciate your message very much – thank you!

      • I understand all too well, though I didn’t lose a son, I did lose a brother… I could kind of write about it in poetry…in that general, vague, “I miss you” sort of way, but it was not till this year that I was able to write at all about the event. It’s been about 25 years.

        Bless you… And you are right…music is a very unique catharsis. Glad you have it. :-)

  2. Thank you, Kitt. I believe deeply that siblings suffer terribly because they cannot do anything to help their parents and at the same time they’ve lost their lifelong connection. A sibling is supposed to be the longest lasting relationship of our lives. I understand also how the pain can easily be accessed 25 years later. That is so beautiful that you can write about it now. I’ll follow your blog now. I appreciate your words and yes, I am so glad I have my music also! :)

  3. I’m sorry for your lost. Can’t lose the pain of losing a child. Must remember the good times in thoughts and writing. Thank you for sharing the story.

  4. Thank you for your comment, John. I certainly must remember the good times – for so long I suffered remembering the traumatic ones. It now feels like it was a lifetime ago and the fact that I can smile is a miracle. I hold onto that every single day!


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