Whew. I’m going round and round with this poem, with its direction, with things I want to add and then later decide they don’t work. Is this happening for anyone else?
This is where the poem opens after some refining:
After love, and you sleep.
I am formed to your back
broad and pale, the way lake
embraces the reflection of the moon.
… though I am not entirely happy with this. I am trying to form the words and to his back to meet the image head on, with (as Maggie will tell you) an economy of language, which is typically my style. (In fact, Maggs, I have been trying to put more of myself into this poem and say more, rather than less, but we’ll see how that goes. — m.)
So if anyone thinks this reads oddly, please speak up, because my instincts are telling me that it reads like “broad and pale” are not precise enough when they move to the next line after a double break. And while I will, at times, deliberately leave lines, images, moments in a poem open to interpretation, this opening image I want clear as a bell.
And I hope you are enjoying spending the month with a poem as much as I am.
Cheers, and happy writing,