20 Lines A Day

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Summer Lilies

They say deer eat these mine are all still healthy

Summers lilies of pumpkin gold

waving softly in the wind

The black seeds perched

precariously at the center of every leaf.

 

I wonder-which wisp of wind

will scatter seeds and where will they land?

Will they hang on drying slowly

until fall finally wilts the plant?

 

The fuzzy stamens, tempting new life-

why do the seeds form down the branch,

when the stamens and ovulates

rest within the velvety soft flower?

 

Each tiny gift nature has given

develops its own ways,

keeps its mystical secrets,

reminds us that every living thing.

 

is special, unique, magical.

Look at a daisy, a lily, a daffodil,

every one with its own way to reproduce,

Life itself holds infinite recipes.

 

Every flower shares it beauty,

to observe and enjoy is a gift

free and simple, there for the taking.

The finest things in life ARE free!

 


No Fear

 

Its difficult to imagine, but I had to try!

 

When I was young, I had very little REAL fear. My fears were more the “does my hair look good, how does my tan appear, is this dress sexy? Than true fear as I feel now -old enough to know better and ALSO old enough to care.

 

As a mom, still young thinking grandma-(beebee is my grandma name) and daughter of an elderly father who is in poor health, fear has taken on a new meaning.

 

I will always fear for all of my old one’s safety-I lost a teen very suddenly at age 15. What if I did not have the fear that his loss filled me with. I think saying that I truly wouldn’t give a damn if I worried that those I love would be hurt would be a start. I would get in my car, with only a little “luggage”, drive to a secluded beach, with no way to communicate with anyone. I would lie under the stars and write what filled my soul by the light of a group of candles-all of different heights and colors.

 

No fear-I have no desire to “hurt myself”-been there, done that, but maybe worrying some people might be fun. I could scream, cuss, become inebriated if I wished, rid myself of the constant pain that is my life. If I were not such a “mom”, always worrying, then I could go to places I have only dreamed of, deserts, mountains, oceans and live in a cabin in the woods. Perhaps I would be young, acquire a sexy lover and spend my nights and days in a fantasy world where “what people would think” or ‘getting caught would not matter to me.

 

I can’t imagine having no fear-I doubt if I could conceive of it. Interesting thought, though-who knows what our minds might do without this in-born trait?

 


2 Comments

No Fear

Prompt-“If I had no fear”   

It is very hard to imagine-i had to give it a try!

When I was young, I had very little REAL fear. My fears were more the “does my hair look good, how does my tan appear, is this dress sexy? Than true fear as I feel now -old enough to know better and ALSO old enough to care.

 

As a mom, still young thinking grandma-(beebee is my grandma name) and daughter of an elderly father who is in poor health, fear has taken on a new meaning.

 

I will always fear for all of my old one’s safety-I lost a teen very suddenly at age 15. What if I did not have the fear that his loss filled me with. I think saying that I truly wouldn’t give a damn if I worried that those I love would be hurt would be a start. I would get in my car, with only a little “luggage”, drive to a secluded beach, with no way to communicate with anyone. I would lie under the stars and write what filled my soul by the light of a group of candles-all of different heights and colors.

 

No fear-I have no desire to “hurt myself”-been there, done that, but maybe worrying some people might be fun. I could scream, cuss, become inebriated if I wished, rid myself of the constant pain that is my life. If I were not such a “mom”, always worrying, then I could go to places I have only dreamed of, deserts, mountains, oceans and live in a cabin in the woods. Perhaps I would be young, acquire a sexy lover and spend my nights and days in a fantasy world where “what people would think” or ‘getting caught would not matter to me.

 

I can’t imagine having no fear-I doubt if I could conceive of it. Interesting thought, though-who knows what our minds might do without this in-born trait?

 


1 Comment

Clinging to a Life I Once Knew

Across the room, a picture of the two of you,
Its seems like yesterday, but its been 8 years,
in the purest hell. You- taken only four months later.
Your little brother now 6’3” and growing-
the girl who has his heart isn’t me.
I am alone in my heart-I’ve taken in my sick dad-
and the daily reminders of why I left home at 18
haunting my every quiet move, with doors down,
curtains up to accommodate walkers-hospital supplies.
Every time I think “life” can get no worse, it does.
I need you, I need your brother to be little again.
I want to teach 6 kids about bugs and butterflies
and play in the creek. I want to live, love, dream.
Tonight, if and when I close my eyes, please,
my beautiful young man, stolen for no reason,
come to me, be with me, let me remember life.


Love Lost and Stolen

Image

Though I am not aware of any great love

 beaming down upon me, I hope they are there

My lost son, my mother , her parents,

They speak to me, hear me when no one else does.

I have searched, believed, dreamed, loved

and seen all of that stolen from me.

In misery, drowning in tears, I have lain,

thinking of you, longing for your touch.

Oh, Holy Spirit, one whom I should trust

I often wonder where you are, near, or far

Do you watch over me while I suffer?

Do you not interject yourself in earths troubles?

There was a time when the majesty of your works,

the beauty of the forest and flowers of spring,

carried me to a place of pure delight.

Now, all I do is wonder what I did to make you leave.

Nothing can bring back what was stolen from me.

I try to find comfort in the winds, the sea,

To find you again, but I cannot see beyond the clouds.

I reach up, longingly to find only emptiness.

All you must do is reach down as I reach up,

as you did once and suddenly withdrew.

I hear the winds power, the majestic clouds.

But i want you, and can never ever have you here again.


A Stormy Night With You

DSCN2133
As I listen to the rain spattering against my cabin’s window,
I think of that night when we were stranded here.
The roads were washed out and the creek overflowing,
but I was in your arms , safe, warm, a long-awaited dream.

I saw the lights blink on the alarm clock, the bang on the transmitter.
I smiled, we were alone, you and I , no one would check on us.
I tugged on grandma’s quilt and you tugged back-asleep.
I listened to the sweet sound of your breath, soft, even.

When I awoke, stars glimmered in the window, the clock was flashing.
Darkness still surrounded me, along with your strong, hard arms.
I wanted this night to last forever, the moon seemed satisfied with just a peek at us.
You and I, finally in a place where life brought a freshness-alone, together.


1 Comment

A Stormy Night With You

Image
As I listen to the rain spattering against my cabin’s window,
I think of that night when we were stranded here.
The roads were washed out and the creek overflowing,
but I was in your arms , safe, warm, a long-awaited dream.

I saw the lights blink on the alarm clock, the bang on the transmitter.
I smiled, we were alone, you and I , no one would check on us.
I tugged on grandma’s quilt and you tugged back-asleep.
I listened to the sweet sound of your breath, soft, even.

When I awoke, stars glimmered in the window, the clock was flashing.
Darkness still surrounded me, along with your strong, hard arms.
I wanted this night to last forever, the moon seemed satisfied with just a peek at us.
You and I, finally in a place where life brought a freshness-alone, together.


There is a place

DSCN2090

There is a place in my heart, somewhere, I am sure-
where I can still feel, still love, still care.

My world is so empty, unfulfilling, sorrowful,
I cannot remember joy, peace, wanting to wake up.

I search for my little children, the son I lost,
Those who grew up and moved on without me.

I search for a love I tried so hard to believe in,
and never spent a night without a doubt or fear.

Surely, there is a place where my mother, my son,
my life still exists, waits for me as I wait alone.

I look, I try, but the lies, the lack of caring shouts.
Around me, it is like life laughing in my face.

I am your wife, I am your mother, I am your daughter,
You cannot change that any more than I can change you.

There is a place where I will get what I have toiled for
my entire life. That I have suffered and begged for.

When I get there, some of you may be there, and then,
some of you will not. Then, finally, I will have peace.

My world is so empty, unfulfilling, sorrowful,
I cannot remember joy, peace, wanting to wake up.

I search for my little children, the son I lost,
Those who grew up and moved on without me.

I search for a love I tried so hard to believe in,
and never spent a night without a doubt or fear.

Surely, there is a place where my mother, my son,
my life still exists, waits for me as I wait alone.

I look, I try, but the lies, the lack of caring shouts.
Around me, it is like life laughing in my face.

I am your wife, I am your mother, I am your daughter,
You cannot change that any more than I can change you.

There is a place where I will get what I have toiled for
my entire life. That I have suffered and begged for.

When I get there, some of you may be there, and then,
some of you will not. Then, finally, I will have peace.


Satisfy-the “S” Word

 

Soothing, soft, snugly, swaddling, shapely, sacred, secure, sensitive, self-assured, September, safety, sale, sauce, seduce, shopping ,shower, sixteen, sleep, snow, snowflakes, social, snug, snuggle, sorbet,

spacious, space, spaghetti, spice, spirit, special, spotless, star, satisfy


2 Comments

Withered Hands

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She slowly got up from the ragged green chair,

hobbling to the kitchen, stirring something

as it boiled and rumbled.

The aroma reminded me of my grandma’s house,

long ago, me, a curly-haired child,

being chased away lest I get burnt.

A little girl sat playing on the floor,

a home-made rag doll, much-loved, it appeared.

The lady spoke to the child in a language

where I would not ever find proficiency-

yet I knew exactly what her words were.

In every place, every time, we are all one.


White Showers

School children wait, anxious for that first flake to fall-

“The weatherman said…” cried a child under her breath.

Workers  share the same anxiousness, hoping the snow waits-

until they are home by the fireside with their lover.

Snow plow operators can’t wait, they have to be ready,

start their engines when that first flake falls.

 

And it is so beautiful as it coats everything in white,

Children rejoice as they play in the frozen fluff.

Parents who can, relax and watch the joy on their faces.

Then drivers notice that the snow is turning to slush.

Such beauty becomes an ugly grey mess, and yet, next time,

We, for some reason, go through the same routine.

 


1 Comment

The Last Walk

DSCN1835Walking on the island shore at night always held a fascination for me, especially with my young teen. We would walk along, watching as the lights on shore glimmered off the amazing expanse of water all around is. It was one of those moments that needed no words, the feelings, the magic, spoke for itself.

He reached down and picked up something, turned to me, held it up and smiled. It was a whole conch con, shimmering in the starlight. Wow! I said, as we walked on. I will never forget that night. It is burnt into my soul. A tear runs down my cheek even now. It was the last night we ever spent on the beach together.


3 Comments

Glass

Three years ago, I lost my mom.

She had been fading for years, but we still talked,

we laughed and loved.

 

It seems like since then loss and loneliness

have been so much of my life.

I feel like I am drowning.

 

After loosing my child, hope, faith,

and that special closeness with my family,

I feel I will never capture the joy in life again.

 

I can only beg you, young people,

to take that joy, when you find it,

and treat it as thought it was glass, because it is.


2 Comments

Love Me, Don’t Leave Me Alone

As the chill of winter surrounds me

I feel the frost in my bones.

The ache comes from deep inside me

I feel so profoundly alone.

Then I touch the soft head of my baby,

His warm breath makes life come again.

I think of my past and then maybe,

Once more, you seem more than a friend.

Today, it is cold, it is winter,

a daunting, yet mystical song.

For this time, for this place, for this winter,

Love me, don’t leave me alone!

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