Today I decided to drive around in my Donot car along the road of life. It broke down somewhere between Whatsthe Point and Crying Streams. I looked for the exit but there were no rest stops in sight. I asked passersby about the happy median, but no one had seen it for miles. Tried the emergency phone, but kept getting wrong numbers. Seems I had gotten a flat tire from the depression in the road. Tomorrow I think I’ll give my Tryand Car a try. Wish me luck.
Author Archives: lostsul
Tell me
My son, My son. Please, tell me there will be a cure in your lifetime. That you will not have to suffer as I do. That you will not have to rely on medications your whole life and have to pray they keep working. Tell me you will have a choice to live up to your potential. That everyday life will not become a burden to you. Tell me I am not to blame for birthing you into this life we have to lead. Tell me it’s OK that you have Bi-Polar Disorder as I do. Please, tell me you will not end up like me.
Down
down deep in the hole again,
depression my old frienemy,
looking up,
searching for the light,
trying not to let this get to me,
crying, praying, shouting out,
“Why me” rears his ugly head,
remember what it’s all about,
quickly put him back to bed,
knowing I must carry on,
knowing I will carry on,
knowing I can carry on,
I face the day anew.
Being a non-smoker
I am once again a non-smoker. Notice I do not say “I have quit smoking.” My husband and I were smokers. We decided to stop. We took advantage of a church sponsored,three day camping trip, to give us a head start. We took no smoking materials and did very well. A few days later, still not smoking, I had an epiphany. We weren’t quitting a bad habit, we were taking back a good habit that we had had for the majority of our lives. I can not say how much easier it is to look at a cigarette or a smoker and not want one, when I think “I am a non-smoker,” instead of thinking about how I have just quit smoking. Here’s to being the non-smoker I was born as.
Falling
Falling down,
The slope steepens again,
jack and jill,
now climb a mountain instead,
the Well of Life,
so close and yet so far,
why must my path,
change into a quagmire,
every time,
I feel the wind on my face,
see the top,
it happens,
I fall down again.
Don’t Pity Me (a song)
There’s a murder of crows in your front yard
Just a subtle reminder that you went too far
There’s a voodoo doll in my side drawer
With your picture on it
Don’t pity me
I’m not helpless anymore
What’s sanity?
But a house without a door
Between you and me
I am all the better for
The day I lost you
There’s a tingle down my spine that I can’t explain
When you’re treating me wrong
And I don’t complain
There’s a darkness inside that will not be tamed
But I’m glad I lost you
Don’t pity me
I’m not helpless anymore
What’s sanity?
But a house without a door
Between you and me
I am all the better for
The day I lost you
(repeat)
And I’m glad I lost you
Try
you try so hard,
yet fall so short,
soon we’ll have answers,
why it’s so hard,
for you to sit still,
why you act out,
keep trying my love,
you are my big boy.
“awake”
I wrote this in 6th or 7th grade
Awake,
Midnight,
One light,
Barely touches the dark,
alone,
unseen,
unheard,
one soul,
cries out in the dark,
morning comes,
don the mask,
smile,
play pretend,
night falls,
darkness comes,
the tears fall down,
their well known path again.
Monster
once again he rears his ugly head,
the monster inside you,
anger, rage,
you lash out,
unknowing,
the monster in control,
calm again,
you plead,
I just want to go home.
first step
Lost in limbo,
waiting for answers,
they can never be found,
without movement,
there are no grounds,
for life or communication,
you must take a step,
waiting brings atrophy,
nothingness,
I’ll wait no more,
first step is the hardest.
Coming Soon
My sweet baby boy,
truly now,
a baby no more,
coming soon,
a kitchen party’s fun,
6 years old,
where has the time gone.
Now
now is the time
to put aside
those things unnecessary to life
no more soda
no more smoking
now is the time
to say yes to health
and so I do
Now is the time
to be a healthier me
Hello new me
Now I welcome you.
goodbye
goodbye my old unwanted friend
seeker of misery
the reflection in the mirror
that won’t shut up
goodbye feelings of worthlessness
hopelessness is no more
hope sprouts golden in the sun
the future seems brighter
goodbye past hurts and mistakes
I forgive you your transgressions
I forgive me
Today I take my first step into the dawn.
Moving on
living on
day by day
pushing through pain
through sorrow and defeat
leave the past behind
find self worth
defeat gives way to victory
today I move on.
“CHALLENGE”
C oming apart
H oping for salvation
A llow for mistakes
L et go of guilt
L et go of shame
E verything changes
N ever give up
G o for broke
E ventually you will make it.
