Its difficult to imagine, but I had to try!
When I was young, I had very little REAL fear. My fears were more the “does my hair look good, how does my tan appear, is this dress sexy? Than true fear as I feel now -old enough to know better and ALSO old enough to care.
As a mom, still young thinking grandma-(beebee is my grandma name) and daughter of an elderly father who is in poor health, fear has taken on a new meaning.
I will always fear for all of my old one’s safety-I lost a teen very suddenly at age 15. What if I did not have the fear that his loss filled me with. I think saying that I truly wouldn’t give a damn if I worried that those I love would be hurt would be a start. I would get in my car, with only a little “luggage”, drive to a secluded beach, with no way to communicate with anyone. I would lie under the stars and write what filled my soul by the light of a group of candles-all of different heights and colors.
No fear-I have no desire to “hurt myself”-been there, done that, but maybe worrying some people might be fun. I could scream, cuss, become inebriated if I wished, rid myself of the constant pain that is my life. If I were not such a “mom”, always worrying, then I could go to places I have only dreamed of, deserts, mountains, oceans and live in a cabin in the woods. Perhaps I would be young, acquire a sexy lover and spend my nights and days in a fantasy world where “what people would think” or ‘getting caught would not matter to me.
I can’t imagine having no fear-I doubt if I could conceive of it. Interesting thought, though-who knows what our minds might do without this in-born trait?