Why does everything seem so clear
when it hasn’t happened yet
Why does that one moment from the past
now define what the future could be.
How is it so possible to remember everything from a smile,
to the way he touched you.
Out the clear blue sea
he came out of nowhere.
Why this vision came up at the weirdest time
Which doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s going to happen.
and it could be something of delusional.
One thing for sure, don’t get it twisted
cause it’s the real thing.
Imagine white hair, wrinkles
Resting mercilessly against the contour of your face
Your final friend is these moments now
of your wildest, craziest loves and pains
I can remember the first time I met you
it almost seemed like yesterday
but yesterday just wasn’t our time to be together
and both of us knew it
that no words had to be said
we just went our separate ways
and if our paths ever crossed again
then in an instant we would both know
That now you are the one person that I think about the most
our encounter was so brief
that it was so meant to be
that now it’s worth taking the risk
of knowing it was you all a long
When that day comes
this will be the love we both waited for a lifetime.
Thinking about the warmth of your hug
the smile that the whole world can see in one picture
and a kiss so sacred that it will no longer be called lust
for once everything will fall into place
so that we can build a house into our home.
feel the sun or is it shame
in the end it’s me to blame
trivial past I can”t let win
take this life and give it a spin
blinders off I see it all
hopefully tomorrow I will not fall
broken reverse its forward I go
no stopping now I have to grow
i should have…
i had no right to…
after so many starts and stops
an almost lifetime of yearning
but for some reason knowing
it shouldn’t all end like this
through all my troubled life
a scarred and imperfect heart
strumming a mournful reverb wail
into the stillness of my lonely nights
the numb and deafened ambilvalence
of this oft times heartless world
just looking for someone
to hold me tight
to love me right
A nasty case of med toxicity
has kept me far from here and from myself.
I’ve had to store some days upon the shelf
to rest and garner usual energy.
I had two seizures, unexpected foes,
and was set back. Three months and seven years
had passed since last one, and my neuro-gears
announced their need for oil. I hit the lows,
and climb back up the mountaintop is steep.
So topsy-turvy and chaotic life
has been with tangles of this angst and strife
that I have taken leave awhile. From deep
dark neurologic places I return.
A seizure teaches lessons I must learn.
they seemed to meet quite by accident
but something in their eyes told them otherwise
this wouldn’t be their first conversation
but it always felt like it could be the last
like a patient who knows their time is near
with so many faces yet to see
and confessions to make
and sunsets to end
their now daily talks lasted for hours
even after they left that little cafe
feverishly texting on the bus back home
sometimes through the hush of their night
they would talk of paintings, songs and poetry
any silly thing as long as there was a reply
the hold on each other so tenuous
an undertow the pull of fear as real
he not so accidently brushed her hand on the table
she instinctively recoiled placing it on her lap
she apologized quickly she was sorry
but regretted showing him so much
his practiced stoic reaction said little
this time his heart tried valiantly to follow
‘but isn’t that how it always goes?’
setting a few more bricks in the wall
he was a little braver than she was
or maybe his clock was just ticking faster than hers
he said the words that they both feared
and knew it was wrong the moment he spoke
two hearts waiting in the wings
for love to speak and heal their pain
all the words they shared between them
could not help them say goodbye
.
.
a great big hug to my daughter for sharing this song yesterday,
please feel free to listen to it as a soundtrack as i did writing.
often in
vulnerable
moments
or any
random
millisecond
in
the
tiniest
stain
scent
syllable
spark
igniting its
p a i n f u l
memory
because
i hold so near
the echo of
e a c h
tear
i
ever
caused
…and regrets
and my searing
m e l a n c h o l y
but
if this
is the
story
of the
world
unfolded
why such
a sad way to
…finally reach
shore
home
find
love
y o u ?
.
.
.
.
We only hurt the ones we love
Why we don’t need a reason
Gonna get all that you deserve
And all that you believe in
Beth Orton
Different
Because it was too scary,
I had to run away quickly,
Because it was too crazy,
That pain put me on my knees.
I never should have come back,
That place was kept in the dark,
Because sweetness is my lack…
I kept on waiting for the spark.
In the night of my desires,
Found a way to get higher,
But when this love expires,
I’m scorched on the barbed wire.
Between a dream and a nightmare,
Keep walking but my feet are bare,
I should wake up, start to care…
Stars show such a different flare !
May, the 17th (01:45)
There is this female that I don’t really know
but it feels like she is always in my life
we’ve never hung out or we’ve never talked
Yet for some reason I have no ideal of how I am connected to this person
I don’t know why I have to question some things when I see some much
but it was actually her that was with these people.
It feels so real that I think I am really in that place.
It’s a weird relationship
so we’ve had our ups and down’s
but for some reason I am always the one who wants the real
conversation to figure out why
our paths cross so often.
I, Davros: Innocence (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Youthful innocence not clouded by reason
devoted uncaring , tattoos of a demon
consciously knowing that all good things end
dreaming of days that wont be condemned
sleeping in daylight , stalking the night
innocence returns with minds full of fright
soon days disappear without our request
feelings turn black in total distress
innocence is funny it returns when were old
innocence is precious , should treat it like gold
Trust isn’t what it use to be anymore
tell a person a secret and in a matter of seconds
it seems like a thousand people know.
It’s sad how someone can look you straight in the eyes
and watch you eat something that they know they put something
in that would hurt you.
It’s sad when a person is nice to you only by voice
but when they see you, they break down with some syndrome
where hurting the person is the only way they know
Sometimes no matter how you feel
you can’t always keep a line of communication open if you are the
only one getting hurt.
Just because you walk away doesn’t mean a person is going to leave you alone.
Their greatest joy is knowing that they are still hurting you.
Trust isn’t what it use to be anymore,
that’s why people put up so many walls
that when the right person comes around
your always going to be hiding
all because trust is what broke you apart.
Do You Remember the First Time? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
With everything I can’t remember , a random memory will( it seems) rear it’s being at the exact time as I didn’t need to remember it… is it getting older…Hmmmm I’m not so sure…I’m thinking we lose certain memory’s to maintain balance ..with that said (just my opinion)…I read some of my old posts (I was in a very dark place for a while) but I never really remembered some of them …really weird …, I have also been dreaming some things from the past , dredging up old pain …. I don’t know why….I wish it would stop tho….any way I’m done rambling for now …Have a good night all…peace
