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April Challenge – Day Three

Made some minor adjustments to parts 1 and 2. Part 3 has been altered and Part 4 has been added. Please feel free to provide constructive criticism and comments (or if you preferred a previous revision).

The original Day One version can be read here.

i. Torpor
Wolves unleashed by the darkened skies;
Like rapids they flow through the camp.
Stifled fires hide their hungry eyes
And the sheep fall, lost under the sleepy lamp.

Other lambs hide from the ravenous storm
And a lonely lion cub, raised by the flock,
Is uncertain that sacrifices are warm.
He wanted to fight, and not hide under a rock.

Surrounded by sheep, will the cub bleat or,
In time discover the truth and find his roar.

ii. Verity
In the wake of the wolves brash raid
The cub has to travel towards his truth.
His path mires the deeper he wades
Leading towards the end of youth.

Dawn raises more vacillant questions;
Swallowing dust, his words silent and dry,
Yet inside the mind bays frustrations.
Run or return home: what is the lie …

Blind in the darkness, he watches not his feet
Arriving at a cross road, which will he greet …

iii. Eschew
Scared to continue, but he can not return to a lie
Cold wet and hungry; the cub conflicted and alone
In the woods nightmares cast by the moon lit sky,
Branches claw and hollows gnarl teeth of bone.

Feeling like a marionette cut loose
Virgin eyes see that roots do not grasp,
And daemon eyes can not seduce
His freedom that callow fears rasp.

But an omen shadows his troubles with a cry,
To hear such; foretells that he will soon die.

iv. Freedom
The breaking light cracks the daemon’s grin
And courage fills him with every ray of vim
Lies left behind, the omen cries a muted din;
The desire for truth blinds the struggle in him.

The wood’s shadows are cast aside with light,
So little he knows of life and their pains,
But on he walks to the river town with sprite.
The cub far from a lion, living on stains.

A lesson in trust he’ll learn first hand,
No longer safe in his flock, he’ll fall not stand


2 Comments

April Challenge – Day Two

Had comments regarding the second line, and have made some other revisions. Please feel free to provide constructive criticism and comments (or if you preferred a previous revision).

Day One (previous) version can be read here.

i. Torpor

Bears unleashed by the darkened skies;
Like spirits they descend upon the camp.
Stifled fires hide their hungry eyes
And the sheep fall, lost under the sleepy lamp.

Other lambs hide from the ravenous storm
And a lonely lion cub, raised by the flock,
Is uncertain that their sacrifices are warm.
He wanted to fight, and not hide under a rock.

Surrounded by sheep, will the cub bleat or,
In time discover the truth and find his roar.

ii. Verity

In the wake of the bear’s ruthless raid
The cub has to travel towards his truth.
The path will mire the deeper he wades,
Leading towards the end of youth?

Dawn raises more vacillant questions;
Swallowing dust, his words silent and dry,
Yet inside the mind bays frustrations.
Run or return home: what is the lie?

Blind in the darkness, he watches not his feet
Arriving at a cross road, which lie to greet …

iii. Eschew

Scared to continue, but he can not return to a lie
Cold wet and hungry; the cub is conflicted.
An omen shadows his troubles with a cry,
Daemon eyes burn like stabs inflicted.

The breaking light cracks the daemon’s grin
And courage fills him with every ray of vim.
Lies behind him, in sorrowful tears of their sin;
The desire for truth blinds the struggle in him.

So little he knows of life and the greater land
No longer safe in his flock, he’ll fall or stand.


17 Comments

April Challenge – Day One

Little bit of a cheat, as I have written this poem before but I have not been happy with the poem series, and it is not complete either.  Through the challenge I will aim to revise, improve and complete the series.  I have previously published the first poem (Torpor) on my personal blog, but thought it best to include as they all flow into one another.  Please critique and provide comments on the poem for me, so that I can improve upon them throughout April.  I have no overall title for the poem series either at the moment, suggestions welcome.

i. Torpor

Wolves unleashed by the darkened skies;
As raindrops, they descend fluidly upon the camp.
Fires long extinguished hide their hungry eyes
And sheep fall forever, lost under the sleeping lamp.

Lambs seek shelter from the ravenous storm
Yet a lonely lion cub, raised by the flock
With uncertainties from sacrificing others wasn’t warm.
He wanted to fight, and not hide under a rock.

Surrounded by sheep, will the cub bleat or,
In time discover the truth and find his roar.

ii. Verity

In the wake of the raid
The cub travels towards the truth,
Unaware of the road that lies laid.
Leading to the end of his youth?

Dawn raises more vacillant questions;
Through dust his words dry,
Yet inside the ocean roars frustrations.
To return home: which is a lie?

Blind in the darkness, he watches not his feet
Arriving at a junction, which life to greet?

iii. Eschew

Too scared to continue, but to return a lie
Cold wet and hungry the cub’s conflicts
A wise omen shadows his plight with a cry
Daemon eyes glint, one of the crescent tricks?

The breaking light cracks daemon faces
Courage fills him with each ray of vim
Forging onwards to a new life with sturdy paces
Desire for truth blinding struggles in him

So little he knew of life and the greater land
No longer safe within his flock, does he fall or stand?


3 Comments

Specks of dirt

Specks of dirt

appear to have frozen

on the table top

which once was a hub of activity

where I would recline everyday

to get through things

to have a life

with a daily routine

These specks of dirt

now have frozen over it

they will get engraved soon

becoming a part of it for

it no longer has me

recline over it,

getting through things

life is changed,

table top has changed

and I have, as well.


Metamorphosis

Gossamer veil before me sliver of light
peers furtively through trees that have seen a hundred years
absence of day with steps I place, now in sudden fear
not knowing of where I go or where I’ve been

disconsolate foot steps, crackle leaves beneath my feet
forest of deadened branches hang eerie, blackened sleep
who am I, where am I, behind or in front
cautiously tread direction lost steps to find myself

one foot wrong shall I be left in a world I do not want
one foot right will I find myself forgoing the life I’ve led
brush what my eyes before me see, start anew without the ink
trunks of deadness, branches hang life to them is lost

renew yourselves, birth new buds like I must do at life
banish cobwebs of my fears, eradicate self doubt
step into the daylight, know who you are and why
blackened forest take your leave, be reborn like I

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