20 Lines A Day

A Community of Writers and Photographers


16 Comments

Nothingness…

 

I have been away for a bit, some of you know why, my husband has been battling lung cancer since January. He fought a very brave battle but on July 25 between the hours of  5:30am and 6:45am he took his journey to the next level. I am proud to have been able to help him stay home till the end, comfortable and pain free.  Now for those of us left behind the healing begins….

 

 

 

 

People walking back and forth

carrying on with their daily lives,

 

 

Oblivious to the pain felt by those around them,

the deafening agony of loss

searing into the souls of those left behind.

 

Blind to the ache of loss and feelings of no longer belonging.

Life continues on leaving those behind lost

in the fog of memories and tears.

The roar of heartache slices through the skin

like a sharp knife sparing no one and showing no mercy.

To sit and feel a nothingness

is the only choice left

to get through each day.

 

 


Never the same

Just breathe

Just breathe (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

sounds getting louder ,

we breathe a little faster

heart beating sounder ,

we breathe a little easier

pain going away ,

we sleep a little longer

everything’s is ok ,

we live a little happier

next thing we know

things are never the same

pain , anxiety, death

never returning to breath

cheated by the life

can’t sleep due to this strife

we pray for them to rest

we continue to do our best …

 

 


7 Comments

Go Back…

Are  you still there, deep below the  layers

Physically changes barring your spirit from emerging

Pain spreading through your body like fire

Trickling over healthy muscles and engulfing them

Doctors unsure, questioning their values, morals

Where is the quality of life, where is the comfort

I see nothing but starvation, dehydration and emaciation

Your eyes when I look into them make it all real

The future without you beside me,

I want to go back, I just want to turn around and go back

To see that man again with the strength, purpose in his walk

To feel secure, safe,

Not alone.


12 Comments

Tired…..

Wearied by this gnawing at my mind,

I am holding onto  memories like treasure.

The chain of disease grows link by link,

Forging ahead, pushing, pulling, still hoping.

Draining the strength from my body,

So tired, battling day after day.

Pulling me into a mire of darkness,

Looking for hope, strength, light.

Fear wrapping its fingers around me,

The cold wet grip that tightens and takes your breath,

Like a snake capturing its prey.

A small spark still lingers, still exists,

In the darkness a light begins to grow.

To believe, to hope, to know,

That there is a chance.

 

 

A note about this poem,

My husband was diagnosed in January 2012 with non small cell lung cancer stage 3.  It has been a tremendous battle so far and what he has endured this far is beyond belief.  He has lost almost 80 pounds, he was not a big man, and can no longer eat or drink.  So this poem is written from his perspective.  To those with cancer, you are my hero.  What you go through is horrendous.  Never mind the disease, the treatments alone are torture and those are supposed to help you get better.   It is a journey not for the weak.

Tia

 

 


1 Comment

added misery…

when the pressure of the day pushes down

the pill they give will take away the frown

complain about no sleep  and days to close

I also have that , it’s just a small dose

waking up now has changed,  it’s such a chore

tablet form this time , it’s just one more

vitamins I have cause the things I eat

daily recommended amounts, they do not meet

can’t remember if I took my zinc

let me sit down and try to think

I’m taking so many , hard to keep track

I just want my life the easy living back

 

 

 


2 Comments

living a dream

Wondering  back I get blind by thought , peeping

Dread is my neighbor , always watching , leaping

Grieving souls are flooding my conscious day, creeping

Quicksand around me , it covers my feet ,seeping

Can’t move , can’t breathe , I continue ,  weeping

I want to be normal , I want to be bland , feeling

Moving forward , looking ahead , dreaming

I’ll pray for his help , I’ll look for the future , gleaming

 

 

 

 

 


15 Comments

Depression – A Lack of Faith or A Disease? You Decide

I know it has been a while since I posted here, but it isn’t because I’d forgotten about it or that I was blowing you guys off. In a nutshell, it has been because I’ve been struggling with a bout of depression, and getting just one article out for my main site was a really hard thing to do, and getting two out was near impossible.

Lots of Christians seem to find the subject of depression uncomfortable, largely due to the fact that they see it as merely an emotion that people have when they aren’t living by faith.  Anyone struggling with it will tell you, the emotion part is just a symptom of the disease. The heart of it goes to the physical misfiring in the brain and can no more be controlled than a broken arm or having a heart attack.

I used to just go to bed for a few days, sleeping away the tears and sadness, and while I did stay in bed more than I usually do, I didn’t sleep. Damn insomnia.. :) But, I made myself write once a day, and I think because of that, the episode didn’t last as long as it usually does.

Anyways, sorry I neglected you guys. Hope you will forgive me.

Love,

Bird

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