I am strained with a burden
of confusion, of the truth-
Not accepting the truth,
A giddy thought strikes my mind
I know now what to think of
What to think about for another day
And torture myself by thinking about
it again and again till the mind bursts
with pain, for pain is better than confusion
prevailing thoroughly, in an amazing way
within the nerves and the brain.
Wondering what lies I tell myself daily
The lies I say to myself so consistently
The lies that I have adopted as truth
Lies that are going to remain lies
Even though I lie about my lies
I say the truth I think which are the lies
The lies I say are the truth I say to myself
Wondering what lies I tell myself daily
I think I lie every moment to myself
I say the truth which must not be a lie
But I think it is a lie anyhow
Which is a truthful lie I say to myself.
I really don’t know what I’m doing,
With this life everyday,
Trapped in the cocoon of confusion,
I am the struggling butterfly,
Trying to get out and fly around, be free,
I really don’t know what is happening,
To this life of mine,
I am trapped aspiring to fly,
But still struggling to find a place for myself,
I am wasting this life every day,
Trapped, I don’t know what I’m doing,
With my life everyday.
No words or poem can console the loss of a loved one so fresh but I share this which I wrote for my mother who died of cancer and my wife’s aunt who committed suicide within a few months of each other. It took another year before I could write this. Let time be your teacher and friend and strength.
What will you see When your sight is lost What will you feel Without feelings How will I sound To your deafened ears How will I hear What you're saying Will you taste: My bitterness My anger My confusion My sadness Will you understand; I cannot, right now Will you smile at me; I cannot, right now Would you watch me now; I could use that now Could you teach me now; Would you show me how When I think of you Will you touch me, friend When I close my eyes Will you hug me then In the dark of night Will you stop the cold At the break of dawn Will you wake my soul During quiet times Will you come and stay When the dusk first falls You could light my way You can count your days As I count my years You can hold me tight As I count my tears As the months go by And time presses on You will see: My struggles My resolutions My perseverance My reckonings When my step first slows You will be my cane When I ache to move You will ease my pain When my light falls dim You will lead me on When my thoughts all fade You will bring me home What will I see When my sight is lost What will I feel Without feelings How will you sound To my deafened ears How will you hear What I'm saying As you lift me up And I raise my head We will feel: Our souls Our joy Our peace Our love
Tim helped me out by posting an update to The Shed Challenge. I’ve been busy with school and some things around here and he put it up so that all the entries are listed on that actual page in the link above now. An important correction to note…the link for the entry by NutsforTreasure (Eunice) went to Maggie’s entry by mistake. It has now been corrected, so be sure to check out Eunice’s entry too!
And I have already gushed excessively in thanks to Tim for helping me out with this, but I will do so once again. I am SO appreciative for your help, Tim!! I am used to doing the challenges on my own blog, where people can vote with the thumbs up feature above the entries in the comments. This Shed Challenge was a spur of the moment one on here that I did. If I ever do one again on here, I will try to do it better. But I probably won’t. :) I’ll probably just post any challenges I do on my own page and then reblog them on 20 Lines A Day, the way I do with the Name That Abstract and related Poetry Challenges that I do.
That said, thank you to all who played along with this one! Aside from some of the confusion that occurred, I had fun with the actual challenge, and hope you did too. :)
And again, if you have not visited the link to Tim’s post updating all of this, please do so, and put in your votes for your favorite. You have until Saturday, July 14, at noon to do so (U.S. Central time).
Evil Personal Dilemma
The personal dilemma again struck
With its roots finding way within the soul
It really does suck
When it creeps within,
Loosening tears of confusion.
It laughs at the agony, its evil-
My mind is again playing games;
With its prey, that is me.
I don’t know how to react-
I don’t know how to tackle-
The evil schemes against me;
By the mind
Which belongs to me.
Right from the back door,
Enters the new gloom.
With its shadow out of form-
It moves ahead
Bringing to some one’s life-
A new evil doom;
The verdict of which is in itself a gloom.