On my blue lips
Slightly attempted pain
Hasty wording in agony
copyright (c) 2013 by franziska dirnberger
My body lies upon the sand and the warmth radiates and envelopes my every pore
I inwardly smile at how I feel, my senses are tingling and alive as I listen to the sounds of the waves tumbling
I have waited all year to feel this way
To be by the ocean to hear its sounds, to smell it
My hands dig into the soft and gritty like crystals and slowly I let each grain pass through my fingers
My eyes closed my breath draws in to absorb the perfume of the water, the smell of the warmest season
My eyes blink open and I stare to the sky above to watch the clouds dance in the wind that carries them
I watch as birds fly overhead and cry out making themselves known
So perfect the day the quietness, the stillness around me with only the waves and the sounds of feathered creatures
My mind escapes into the paradise, my thoughts tumble, like the waves they ebb and flow
How perfect, how serene at happiness complete
The seasons that make a difference to my feelings my emotions
I have waited for the warmth to feel the sand, to hear the ocean, to gaze into the water
I have passed through the cold and wintry months, the time of Spring and Autumn, with summer I am alive
This is my place, this is where I belong
I am content at peace
Why does this have such a hold on me?
Why am I happiest here?
I cannot say, is it because I am a water sign?
Some places make us feel alive more than others
Being near the water is mine
I have tranquility listening to the waves or stepping amongst the rock pools to watch the life below
I simply belong
Do you have a place where you belong?
Where your senses come alive
Where the sounds of all around you without an orchestra
Fulfills you and takes you to a place you may only have in your dreams…
Running till the earth is ending
Through carrotfields and moisty forests
Scarecrows are passing by my hunters heart
I am chasing the light away
Come let go of your heavy self
All the reason is looming over you
Pull out your roots and follow me
Lets dance till our feet are bleeding
Spark the night with passion
Curl upon sandy seas
Embrace the morning sun
Copyright © 2012 by Franziska Dirnberger
Foolish tears, now falling down
Get back up in there! Hold your ground!
I hate to feel you on my cheek
You make me feel so dumb and weak!
I cannot stand to cry you, tears
I’ve hated you for many years
My face is wet, and nose does run
I tell the truth…you are no fun!
Yet I must face you once again
You force yourself here now and then
So hurry up and have your way
But quickly now…then go away!
Its hard to retrieve what you’ve lost,
The think you have wanted the most.
It was love, friendship for me,
It never came to me with a glee.
I had to suffer the never achieved loss,
Sleeping every night with nothing but remorse.
I’m difficult to handle and be cared,
I have never been a part of the love being shared.
Forever alone, I call myself which is not a lie,
I think that is the only possession with which I’ll die.
Printing down my feelings,
Enabling my inner-self to speak,
Roar out loud,
Converse with others, share,
Enact what it feels is right,
Pointing towards my thoughts,
Telling nothing but still everything,
Indicating my persona,
Observing others’ emotions,
Now that is perception!
Perception can change life.
Perception can bring forth everything.
It can hide.
It can show.
Perception is every truth,
And every other lie,
I have got.
Pain is everything
It holds lives
It ruins them
Pain- the eternal truth
Decreasing the moments I cherish,
The pain is distracting me from everything.
It is indeed taking the control of my mind,
The emotions of my heart,
The feelings of my conscience.
So much to write about you, pain-
Where to start! Where to end!
I don’t know, I don’t care,
For you’re staying, tearing me up.
So much to write about you, pain-
I am even devoid of words,
What else can I say!?
There lives another person in me,
That makes me not do what I ought to do.
I want to kill it,
But I adore it.
There lives another person in me,
Who is cruel but still a part of me.
I’m truly tired of myself, because, that another person is real- who is thriving, who is very much a part of me. It is not possible on my part to control this person which is bringing another aspect to my persona, to my entire life. I’m just tired- so tired! I want respite… I want some space which would end all of this. Sometimes, I just want to cry out loud, grieving for someone to just end it all whether it would mean ending this life… No! I want to live… I know the importance of life… how precious life is. No one can change that, not even this another part of me. Still, I’m tired… I don’t have anyone to ask for help. I’m alone, I think I aspire to be alone as well but I’m tired to be alone. This is just so typical, nothing can change even a little bit of what I’m feeling… I feel.
Whenever some one say forever,
I say never.
I can’t bear the promises,
For not even now-
Then how forever!
Forever for me has never been anything,
But the moment which is now.
I don’t want to see the future.
I don’t want anything to know how it would be.
I care for what had happened.
I care for what is happening.
Nothing stays forever-
You know that,
I know that.
Don’t say forever,
Because I would say never ever.
Lately, I believe it would be fair to say that I've been on the horns of a dilemma when it comes to this blog thing. One thing that I've really come to value about writing here is the therapeutic nature of getting my bottled up thoughts out of my head and in front of my eyes, and the eyes of others.
Fear of feeling good,
Fear of being joyous,
What does it mean?
Darkness has become so habitual, it means:
Lights, so distant.
What is light?
The beauty of the life is light:
Life, so musical.
How is life musical?
Life blooms with its pure lullaby, hence musical:
Musical, so mesmerizing
There are answers to every question.
The question holds no chance before answers.
The fear shatters now,
It is good to feel good;
It is good to feel joyous.
Who will take away the agony I feel
Who will bring an end to this pain
Who is there to put a full stop to my vain desires
I am here by myself
Waiting for that being to turn up
To bring what I need the most
Love, Trust, Faith, Transparency, Rationality
And above all, my shadow which I have lost
Fighting myself, defeating my core
Who is there to raise me up?
Who is there to make me feel like me?
No one, Anyone? No one is there
I sob, I cry, I groan in pain
With a futile strain.
20 Lines are good
When you can frame them
But they seem like a burden
When you can’t do anything
But be trapped in your thoughts
Thinking about making it up
Those 20 lines
But you were not able to do so
Like me, wondering and thinking
And still not fulfilling the expectation
Of framing those 20 lines.