20 Lines A Day

A Community of Writers and Photographers

Tag Archives: Fear


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digital misivs

photo 20130423_122711.jpg

jacked on Marlboro’s and mocha java
she lives safely in her word cloud,
laying belly down with candy wrappers
littering the unkempt futon bed.

smartphone, notebook glowing
in that messy shades drawn room
and sometimes pink hair spilling
out a Neff cap covered eyes.

Skye, exists as ‘anonymous’
tattood and thin, small framed
her cool demeanor her paler skin
nothing touched her since he left.

and crossing paths in the gangway
with the new boy down the hall,
his immediate smile spoke volumes
he brushed against her as they talked.

but that spark its cruel reminder
of hurt she really can’t forget
her promise to call forgotten,
the spark was just suppressed.

Skye spent that night as every night
a private etherland of love
texting poems of lust her loneliness,
drift…digital misivs through the dark.


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glide

what
benefit
has your love
so quiet and fearful,
dormant in its shrouded heart?

please
don’t believe
the pale vocabulary
of this ambivalant world,
silence its own sharp betrayal.

and what
benefit has my
abundant heart if
not sharing our pain?

i am
not afraid
of your fear.

reach then,
reach for my hand
the true sky is waiting.
couple these hearts together
and we can glide above this fray.

sunrise animated photo: Sunrise 1 sunrise.jpg

Written April 2013


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Courge to Cross the Line

He stood at the end of the trailer’s living room, yelling, cussing, throwing things, like he always did when he was angry.

She, of course, was in the hall by the washer, crying, her face speckled. red streaks, tears dripping onto her shirt.

“I’m so sick of your bitchin, woman!” he shouted from the doorway, ready to run out, after he had yelled his final insult, stomped and delivered his final accusation.

“Just step over the line and see what happens.” he yelled as he went for the door. As the line was crossed, he stared in silence.


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Mask of Life

Feathers
open weave
sparkling
sequence
on a stick

that touches
my skin
hiding
covering
thoughts

Not wanting
nor willing to
show the world
who I
really am

shielded
protected from
outside world
who do not
know me
be myself

fronting with
a different
face
masquerade a
veneer of who I am

covering the
external me
to not display
the internal
vulnerable

it is permitted
to hide
behind the
shield
of my safe being

the question remains
is it safe
to emerge
relinquish
the open weave
that is the
protector
of myself

do not dwell on

reactions of others
do not be afraid
open myself to

possibilities
cast off my
fears
reveal myself
cease this
masquerade


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Silouette

Photo copyright Scott L. Vannatter

I kept hearing that sound-a mix of a far away scream and the howling of wind through some strange rock formation. “What was it?” I wondered as I sat huddled by the campfire with my brother and his friend.

We were both frightened and intrigued. Should we take off into the forest with only the moonlight and a small lantern to guide us, or ignore it, crawl into our warm sleeping bags in the tent and forget it?

And then we saw her, silhouetted against the rock at the top of the mountain. Her mystery and beauty held us all captive.


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Hope (Interlocking Triplets)

I know your courage has worn thin

It’s hard to face another day

And unknown things that lurk within

~~~

But listen to what I will say

Get out of bed and lift your chin

Our God will always make a way

~~~

Remember all the good there’s been

And let the hope within you stay

Today’s the day you must begin

~~~

If worries, at the cross you lay

And all your sorrows that have been

For which our Savior died to pay

~~~

Just let go of your fear and sin

He’s with you always, come what may

His love you did already win


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Blues Sonnet Challenge

A seizure plays its tunes in minor key,
the untuned music in a minor key
that screeches STOP! to all that pleases me.

Its dissonance makes nonsense in my brain,
nonsensical the dissonance. My brain
no longer hears the rhythms as they wane.

I play piano, use my hands with skill.
The many lessons have increased my skill,
but seizures cause my hands to then be still.

I love my life and want to live it well,
I try, o do I try to live it well
but seizure often throws me into hell.

I wait for melodies and songs to hear,
but dread the obbligato cast in fear.

Street maze


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Maggie’s Adverb and Adjectives Challenge

Thank you Maggie, I think, for setting this.OK, it was (want to say hard) a – challenge! Have tried to follow the brief and hope that some qualifying words and phrases are allowed.

Julia was beyond panic. She ran for her life. She had lost Alexander, her shoes and her way in the warren of streets and still he followed. A sob escaped her and the stitch in her side begged her to stop, but she fought on, though uncertain now of when she might be safe, of where refuge might lie.

It came from nowhere. A door opened, an arm shot out and dragged her into a room. A hand clapped her mouth to stifle her scream and a man pointed his finger to his lips indicating she should make no sound. The shutters were closed, but through the gloom she made out Alexander’s face two inches from her own. His heartbeat echoed hers as they waited, peering through the slats at the street until the creature passed.

“What is that?” she whispered.

“We have no idea.” She whirled to see who had spoken and realised that the room was full of people. A woman stood and held out her hands. “But he follows you now as he follows us. He is hunting. You should rejoice that you turned the corner when you did and Alexander was able to apprehend you.”

“I told you not to come after me,” Alexander said.

“I had to. Don’t you understand. You wouldn’t listen to me and I have information.”

http://anexerciseindiscipline.wordpress.com/2012/08/27/maggies-adverbs and adjectives-challenge


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The Almond and The Teeth

The almond fights with my teeth,

The molars who want to get rid of it,

But dear almond wants to stick over there,

Tangled in between the wells of teeth.

My teeth call for help,

The tongue sets in the fight,

Tries to wiggle out the almond,

But the almond is too stubborn,

The tongue is not going to retreat,

But for how long?

The most powerful must be called,

The one the almond fears the most.

Hence, my teeth invoke the hands to go,

And pick up a tooth pick,

Take it within the mouth and jerk,

And jerk that jerk out of the molars.

The almond cries but no one cares,

The tiny almond is swallowed;

And the tooth pick is thrown,

For who cares now?

The teeth are fine,

And the tongue is back to business.

Almond is history ,

And tooth pick- what about it?


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For Anne’s Challenge

Astounding Assemblage

Astounding the assemblage, auto parts,
tools, tires, all sorts of mismatched, unused things.
How odd the memory this junkyard brings:
Am I someone unloved, cast off, whose heart’s

desire is simple? Give me daily bread,
and in the giving, share your kindness. Touch
me at my depth. I fear there isn’t much
to me, that what my father, back then, said–

“Nothing but skin and bones, a skeleton–”
is true. He spoke about my weight, but all
I heard was “Nothing,” and I took a fall
in confidence. Then he and I were done.

Well, so it seemed. Relationship of rocks
made pleasing him impossible. I tried.
O, did I try…but couldn’t. Yes, I cried
so often, wondering about the clocks

that seemed to stop. We didn’t talk for years.
2009: Lung cancer claimed him. We
both wrote, so had fun sharing poetry.
I wonder still if he knew all my fears.

Astounding the assemblage, parts of life
that color where we go and what we do.
I want to hear a songbird sing, dove coo,
instead, sometimes, hear dissonance of strife.


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Only a Dream (Weekly Challenge)

A velvet blackness soft and smooth

descending

covering all and everything
Shadows behind shadows creeping
giving only glimpses of dreams that hide
beneath my fears
Watching as velvet fades to satin
sending embers of warmth to all beneath
restoring the life that had been taken
softly in the distance someone calls your name
bringing you back gently at first
then fiercely the tug of gravity pulls
you gasp trying to catch your breath
falling, down, darkness, light, day
STOP
a dream, it was only a dream
silence once again fills the room
only your heartbeat, only your breath
only a dream


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Narrow Soul

Sadness abounds the narrow soul

to control, explain

fear rides side by side

gripping at the throat!

of life

listless and in stupor

they contain all the pain

too much to swallow in the hollow

shallow smallness of their brain.

Narrow souls can never dance

if by chance

they entrance

then – the locks on their minds slam shut!

to “forever time”

destroying the essence of the sublime

forgetting the spark that lit their fire

snuffing it out to forsake

their desire

in control the narrow soul

is consuming sadness whole.

© [Jeanette Shihadeh] and [thepainterspalate.wordpress.com], [2012]. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material, artwork, or photo’s without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to [Jeanette Shihadeh] and [thepainterspalate.wordpress.com] with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


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The Season of Breakdown

At first appearance

fear! strikes my soul

a closer look at

my wounded life

wrings salty tears

out of

my pillow case

sobs

of sorrow

the weeping

strife!

stringing

all my pains

and backward contemplations

around the gilded knife

of life’s thrusting complications

peeling off the layers

of dried out withered dreams

waking centuries of sweetness

beguiling and free!

© [Jeanette Shihadeh] and [thepainterspalate.wordpress.com], [2012]. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material, artwork, or photo’s without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to [Jeanette Shihadeh] and [thepainterspalate.wordpress.com] with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


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Tough

It’s when I act the toughest

That this heart inside of me

Is really wanting someone

Who beyond it all can see.

Somebody who can see that

When I push you all away

I want to be pulled closer

I just want someone to stay.

I want someone to notice

All the fear and pain inside

To see that I am hurting

And I’m just trying to hide.

Is anybody out there

Who will love me anyway?

Won’t someone please convince me

Everything will be okay?

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