20 Lines A Day

A Community of Writers and Photographers


4 Comments

Sentinel

Weekend hair falls in tendrils
     around your face as you relax in the sun
     I brush it back, not knowing when I’ll
     have this chance again

For when you go
     you run away so fast, that I barely
     feel a breeze, and, laughing,
     you don’t look back,
     not even for a moment,
     though I never take my eyes off you

I see you from a deeper place
     I feel your joy and sorrow,
     I know your anguish
     that life isn’t what you had hoped

     I know these things
     and I think you realize it too

I can help you heal, but you are
     stubborn and playful,
     the wind in your hair
     feels too freeing in this moment

     I patiently hold you in my gaze,
     knowing sometimes
     that can be healing enough

©SpiritLed 2014


April Fool

I’m no April fool, but I thought
I heard you say, a hundred years
ago, that life would be easy,
the games we play would be more
sophisticated, but they would still be
fun, that the little cracks that form
as we navigate the boundaries ,
would not transform into gaping,
boundless caverns, but instead creep
clouds of light into every moment
and remind us that we are who
we’re supposed to be

no, that was just imagined, for
so many times this seems to be
the definitive experience of
guileless courage, a hazy fog of hapless
misunderstandings, lethargic
ramblings of a maddened soul

even if the words don’t make sense,
leak out all the roiling emotion you keep
so tidy on the shelf of self-control,
dump the contents in a scattered and
untidy heap in a way such that only you
can sort through and make any logic
from the chaos, organized and classified
from appropriate to downright crazy,
go ahead and dive right in,
flounder in the helpless overwhelm that
cleanses the creative palate

even if the madman in your mind
claims that you will never heal
the wounds that reside inside,
sleeping just beneath the surface,
reaching up to reveal the tender parts,
then retreating to leave doubt and
revelation in their wake

even as the walls begin to tumble
down, as you sink, rising and falling
soaring and tumbling through
the cycles that bring you near
perfection then catapult you
out into the shadows where
the grey gloom hovers, seeps inside,
fills the cavernous holes

even there in the most violent and
torrential path, truth is revealed,
sears the heart like streaks of dust
across the cloudy window pane
from which you peer with silent
anticipation and lonely longing
to see the light and rise up
to your rightful place
at the throne of your own life

©SpiritLed 2014


7 Comments

The Healing Parts

The healing parts are mighty and wild,
careening through the dark mind,
simultaneously passive and angry,
they take you over, consume your soul.

They hunger for affection, else they grow
a life of their own, they thrive on tenderness,
else they join together to conquer
their demons with your pain.

The healing parts want to survive,
as the soul writhing in the night.
They are displaced and dissociated,
and only love returns them home,
validation of their realness,
so they may quench their fires,
no longer reduce you to ashes from the
inside out.

The healing parts are us,
and we, them. We are the parts
we buried deep so long ago, the voice
silenced and the voice raging, the broken, fragile,
lonely, fearful, hurting, hating parts.  We are healing
and we are real.

©SpiritLed 2014


Weekly Writing Challenge: Fit to Write/ Going away to be whole again

Originally posted on Living and Lovin:

Been sad and hurt for too long.

Was told by a child I had placed for adoption,  to go away,  as he had done to find peace and love within again.

I had never meditated before and yes I was worried but I also knew deep inside something had to change.

It was time for me to finally be whole.  So I booked by 10 day stay and in the following months while I waited for my day to

come to take the first step,  there were so many days I thought I would cancel but I did not.

I went away from home for the first time all alone.

I took an oath of silence.

I learned how to meditate.

I learned that I was really strong not broken as I had thought.

Over those ten days away I meditated in silence,  for 100 hours.  Yes it was hard…

View original 145 more words


MORE THAN YOU KNOW

I dedicate my words and song to Vicky and Tersia, who live in South Africa. Below is a link to Tersia’s blog:

http://tersiaburger.com/

 

MORE THAN YOU KNOW

Copyright 2010 by Judy Unger

 

You gave me your hand; you’d always understand

No one else could see all the change you’d seen in me

You gave me so much; within a single touch

I searched for a smile; you brought mine back for a while

I just can’t find the words to say

How it felt when you went away

All my life, I hoped you would stay

And when you left, I let you go

But I still love you, more than you know

 I still love you

 

You brought me sunshine; I thought that you were mine

How can I believe? When the warmth of you did leave

You gave me everything that made me want to sing

How could I have guessed that our time would be my best?

I just can’t find the words to say

How it felt when you went away

All my life, I hoped you would stay

And when you left, I let you go

But I still love you, more than you know

 I still love you

Dearest Tersia,

I am always thinking of you at a time where you are putting one foot in front of the other. There is probably no word in the dictionary to express your exhaustion. Yet, you always find time to respond to every person’s comment with grace and kindness.

I loved your last post about tears. How beautiful that you could appreciate tears of joy, and not only of suffering at a time like this.

I have been deeply touched that you’ve shared my songs and words on your blog. It is unbelievable to me how in the short time I’ve know you, you’ve allowed me to help. I certainly hoped and wished I could. My own life has been enriched knowing that I was able to be there for you and Vic. The lovely comments by people who read your blog have also brought me to tears.

Since you have been Vic’s caregiver, you already know her absence will leave you with a deep abyss. It is so hard to have that devotion stop suddenly, because you will be going from plodding in exhaustion into nothingness. It is shocking because for so long, keeping Vic going has been your major purpose in life.

more than you know

There are many levels to this song similarly to “Set You Free.” The main theme is of letting go. My song was written about friendship, but I revised it after my son Jason died. The lines that I find most applicable to losing my child was:

“I just can’t find the words to say how it felt when you went away”

With that line I am saying that nothing can possibly express the anguish of grief.

“I thought that you were mine.”

I believed that my child belonged to me. He was my purpose and I took care of him until he died. I could not accept his death for a very long time. That was why letting go was so hard.

Your own eloquent words acknowledge acceptance of Vic’s death. You are preparing yourself to let her go.

But there is no way to do that adequately.

I share with you my lyrics and song now. Since you have shared my messages, I want to provide a link here to my story about Jason. It helps to explain my songs and why I want to give you hope as you enter the darkness of grief. Your love for Vic will never end, nor her love for you.

Please know that you (or anyone grieving) can write to me any time. I am sensitive to grief in all forms, but because I am also a bereaved parent, I am especially sad when a child dies.

Link to Jason’s Story – myjourneysinsight.com

Here is a link to more about my latest song and to hear it:

MORE THAN YOU KNOW – PART 2

Jason so happy-
Jason at Hanukah

 Her Garden

Jason's grave overgrown

© 2012 by Judy Unger, http://www.myjourneysinsight.com and 20 Lines A Day. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. 


11 Comments

Loving You

Loving you is easy

I guess I always will

Wanting good things for your life

Missing your smile still

But I have not forgotten

The way it all would end

To know that I could trust your love

I just cannot depend

I wish that things were different

I wish it oh, so much

And maybe God will heal our hearts

With some miraculous touch

I know that healing has occurred

Along these months that passed

But just not so that I can trust

The trouble is all past.

With love, there are no guarantees

With life, the same is true

But still I know that near or far,

I always will love you.


17 Comments

Wounds

Loud and obnoxious, I don’t want to be.

Calm, to speak gently, and smile pleasantly

What happened to me somewhere on the way

To make me defensive to so much they say

Defending myself when there’s really no need

I’ve been hurt so much, that my heart does still bleed

Lord, close up those wounds that are still so raw

Make the scars that I have, a strength, not a flaw

Make me an instrument of your peace

And all of the bitterness, help me release

This prayer today comes from deep in my soul

Lord, please give me back what the enemy stole.

I know what I ask is of things I must do

But I cannot do them without help from you.

So I’m placing myself in your gentle care

I trust in your love…you’ll help me get there.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 3,566 other followers

%d bloggers like this: