Originally posted on Living and Lovin:
Been sad and hurt for too long.
Was told by a child I had placed for adoption, to go away, as he had done to find peace and love within again.
I had never meditated before and yes I was worried but I also knew deep inside something had to change.
It was time for me to finally be whole. So I booked by 10 day stay and in the following months while I waited for my day to
come to take the first step, there were so many days I thought I would cancel but I did not.
I went away from home for the first time all alone.
I took an oath of silence.
I learned how to meditate.
I learned that I was really strong not broken as I had thought.
Over those ten days away I meditated in silence, for 100 hours. Yes it was hard…
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My nights are shallow , need to make that leap
I fight all night , but still can’t sleep
Next thing I know my mind is screaming
Feels so real , but I think I’m dreaming
When I think my dreams come unsurpassed
I’m dreaming again , about my past
Thoughts of things , wont go away
Buried til I sleep , then they play
I wake to hair and pillow all wet
Then my dreams they all reset
Thanks for reading …Remember Please like , comment and share..Thanks timzauto
The other week-end I gave my Pop (dad) a pedicure. At almost 86, he has trouble bending down to tend to his feet.
I slowly removed his sandals and sat beside him on a small stool. He was worried that I would hurt my back by sitting this way….
Yours nails I cut carefully
and removed old skin
then massaged cream gently
along each of your feet
You thanked me for what you called a
‘laborious task’, to me it gave
to help see to the feet of my
father who was once a
As I massaged the cream
into your skin
I thought of where
your feet had been
These feet that were bare and told to stand in snow in a European Winter.
These feet that walked to the timber pile to chop wood for your step – father, the fire you were not allowed to be warmed by.
These feet that had to walk up the staircase where you were told to eat your meal, alone, whilst the rest of the family ate downstairs in comfort at the table.
These feet that gave you the strength to escape from Czechoslavakia during the War, to cross mountains, hide on trains, trudge through forests, swim through rivers and nearly have your life ended twice by a gun held at you by the KGB.
These feet that brought you to Australia, to start a new life, to build a house for a family that you knew you would one day have, though you had no carpentry skills.
These feet that ran and played shuttlecock with us, the times that we went camping.
These feet that walked next to me on the day that I was wed.
These feet now older
that hold your struggling
legs and body
these feet are not a ‘laborious chore’
to me, my father
These feet have travelled many miles
through great adversity
saw you start a business
accomplish many things
I shall tend to your feet
as I love you
I shall tend again, again
I have a drug inside me
coursing through my veins
not a little coloured pill
not herbal or manufactured
yet makes my skin glow
relieves my aches and pains
that makes me
not held within a glass
that relaxes and calms
that is not injected or smoked
that isn’t prescription
that gives me a high and
brings me comfort
intravenously yet supplies
energy and sustenance
that helps me sleep
peacefully through the night
which isn’t a sedative
that steadies my moods
keeps me on track
that isn’t a vitamin
that helps when my head pounds
which isn’t an aspirin
which isn’t a white powder
a drug inside me
coursing through my veins
a drug simply intoxicating
that drug is labelled YOU
Overweight, my foot steps are
heavy across the ground
its bitter and snow covers all around
but I am inside safe and warm
I need the rest to have a break
can’t control the food that I intake
I’m tired it’s been a hard cold year
but it’s not the tiredness that I fear
I want to shut away the world
be quiet left alone nothing to disturb
no one to listen should I moan
food is my only comfort my
self pleasure and my need
don’t judge me for what I am
don’t tsk or shake your head
for you do not know the real me
I’ve struggled this whole fall
my home my sanctuary far away
from staring eyes who think me
a disgrace people are so quick to surmise
why they think I am obese they do not know the
emptiness nor the struggles that I’ve faced
no they just seem frightened do they think perhaps I’m bad
or ashamed because of my size which truly makes me sad
No no-one hasn’t got a clue
they naturally walk the other way
not willing to get to know me
or how I feel today they look in my
direction but simply scamper by
not willing to come near me due only to my size
fear in their eyes they look upon me with abomination
but I am simply a grizzly bear ready for hibernation
And do not let the cynics say that health
is not a treasure tied with gold, your wealth.