20 Lines A Day

A Community of Writers and Photographers


A Pictorial Guide To Bird’s Latest Crisis

Bird:

Sharing my thoughts through pictures…

Originally posted on Everyone Has A Story...:

Lately, I believe it would be fair to say that I’ve been on the horns of a dilemma when it comes to this blog thing. One thing that I’ve really come to value about writing here is the therapeutic nature of getting my bottled up thoughts out of my head and in front of my eyes, and the eyes of others. It tends to make the monster in my head look smaller and less destructive than I’d originally supposed.

 

I’ve been dealing with two major problems in my marriage, and as I tend to do, I keep my secrets well guarded. It is one thing to blab my own shortcomings and failures to the world…I’m okay with people taking pot-shots at me, because I embrace my ridiculous mistakes and try to use them as cautionary lessons for others. But when you’re getting into the problems that a marriage goes through…

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Preventative Measures and My Panty Drawer

Bird:

A recent offering…

Originally posted on Everyone Has A Story...:

Panties For Peace

Panties For Peace (Photo credit: divid3d)

Yesterday evening, I swore offf watching the news. Forever. But, as my world often does, I was thrown a curve ball. My husband won’t jump on the anti-news bandwagon with me. I guess the upside of this latest little battle is that I would have missed the breaking news that is happening right here in Tulsa. A rogue exterminator has been caught rifling through a woman’s bra and panty drawer. It scares me to know just how close I came to missing this valuable little nugget of life. Here is the full story: Exterminator Caught in Bra and Panty Drawer.

I often ponder what makes people take the risks they do when it comes to decisions like this. For the life of me, why do men want to look at a woman’s underthings in a drawer?? I mean, I get it when men, being visual creatures,  want to…

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Google Knows I’m God’s Worst Child

Image representing Google Images as depicted i...

Image via CrunchBase - Google Knows Everything!!

I just love WordPress‘s dashboard. It is fun to see the little map light up with color, or to see how many times someone looks up my gravatar. I love the breakdown of which of my many bizarre stories people have continually looked up…they are never the ones I think were my best! But best of all, is the search terms that people typed into Bing or Google that led them to my site. I have wonderful ones.

Without doubt, Disclaimer: I’m God’s Worst Child Ever is my popular article of all time. So, approximately 180 people have typed in “God’s worst child” and they’ve been directed to me. Out of curiosity, I’ve been asking random friends to type that in and see what comes up. Guess what! My article..no wonder it is doing well. My son typed the phrase in to Google Images, and my picture pulls up. I guess I’m seriously God’s Worst Child!!

Number two article is trailing behind the first one at 169 searches, and it is How My Own Brain Humiliated Me. The phrase internet explorers keep using to find this one, you ask?

Three boobs. :-)

I typed that one in, and thankfully, while it pulls up my article, I’m not number one, nor does my picture pull up under Google Images. I can live with being God’s Worst Child, but if everyone who has never seen me thinks I have Three Boobs, I’ll just die…

– Bird


4 Comments

Chef and Bird, Sitting in a Tree..K..I..S..S..I..N..G..

Skull and crossbones

Skull and crossbones (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It has long been a suspicion of mine that Chef and I are a tiny bit too competitive with each other. We can make anything into a competition when we feel like it. Any time we have to take two vehicles somewhere, we race. Yes, irresponsible and dangerous. But fun. Chef having his own blog has been fun, too.

But today, I feel he has taken it a bit far. I woke up with a full-blown case of the flu. I feel awful. I can’t breathe, and I feel like I swallowed a porcupine whole. My body aches, and when I cough, it takes me awhile to be able to stop again. All of this, and yet, Chef showed me no mercy today even though I was in a weakened state, obviously near to death, miserable, grouchy, and in no mood to play stupid games…

He called me from work to check on me.

Me: Hello.

Chef: Hey, Birdie. How are you feeling?

Me: Like death would be an improvement.

Chef: Sorry, kid. Have you eaten anything? You need to eat.

Me: No. Let me starve…

Chef: Well, at least you get to stay in bed and recover. You kept me up all night long hacking and coughing., and I still had to get up and come to work. I can barely function today…

Me: Sorry, honey.

Chef: Seriously, Bird. I am exhausted.

Me: Well, I didn’t do this on purpose…I’m sick! I didn’t plan to keep you up all night. I was dying.

Chef: … I have to stand on my feet all day. We’re short a person around here, and I can’t get anyone in to replace her, so I’m having to do it myself. …You know, Bird, I’m getting the feeling you don’t really care…

Me: (in my most fake sincere voice) Whatever, Don. Fine. I truly apologize. I am really, really sorry I kept you up all night with my several near-death experiences, and it made your day harder…..I mean, seriously, what do you want from me here? You want to win the ‘Who Feels Worse Right Now Award’, ’cause hey, you can have it. You win! I lose! Can I go back to sleep now??

Chef: Yes, I want to win that one, and the I’m Employed and You’re Not one too.

Me: I’m hanging up on you now..You probably had better hope I die….

Chef: I really am sorry you feel like shit. I’ll bring you home some soup…

Me: I hope I’m contagious, and I infect you, then you will die too…preferbly at work…

Chef: I love you, too.

And with that little offering, I’m going to sleep…Have a nice day!

– Bird

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